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October 31st, 2008
09:18 pm - I LIED!!!!!
THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE DAY OF MY LIFE
shani and amanda went to the park
i was suppposed to go wit then but i didnt tink my parents were guna let me go cuz i was jus out
so i texted amadna and asked if she was wit shani yet
and she called me and told me that they are at the park and there is this group of guys in black and they are in a circle and they keep looking at them
so i was like its nothing cuz guys look at them all the time
then shani wantted to talk to me adn she told me that she was standing outside her house earlier and the same guys came to the house infdront of ehr and went in ther wit a suitcase and raided the house and they saw her lookat them.
so i told them that they need to go home now because they keep looking at them cuz they know shani saw them rob the house so they are guna kill them cuz shes a witness
and when i was telling them that they guys were jus leaving the park but they kept stopping and looking back but they finally left
but im still scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what if the guys come back for them????????
i dont want my best friends to die!!!!!
i cant live wit out them
i swear if anything happens to them i will hunt down these guys no lie
i dont care wat happens to me
these guys will pay... wif there lifes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u dont know how upset i really am
i will kill all of them and if they kill my girlfriends ill kill them and then kill myself
this is the worst day of my life
i love them too much fro this to happen!!!!!!
i refuse to live without them if they dont
i guess this is my suice letter. so if ur wondering why im not returning ur texts its cuz i killed myself
um.. please tell brandon he always had a speacial place in my heart but my true love was sean
tell sean i loved him wit all my heart and too bad we couldnt actually be together
please explain to the world why i did this to myself
tell my brtohers that i actually loved them and my sister that she is my hero
tell papi i loved him the most out of everyone in the world
tell madre... that even though i didnt act like ti i actually loved her
and to u ur the best cousin/friend/god in the worlddd
~audra~
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08:29 pm - I AM SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY
Omg
im the happiest girl in the world
i was at Amandas house and sean called me
so amanda wanted to talk to him
so i let her and she started asking questions about me to him and shit
so she was like do u like audra
and he keep avoiding the question
so finally he was like shes a real cool person
and she was like do u like her more than a friend?
and he was like i like her so much more than a friend
this is the best day of my life
im so gitty its not even funny
but i dotn know the rest so when i find out ill let u knowwwwwwww
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October 28th, 2008
07:25 pm
yea so today i was home alone with the baby
cuz i was baby sitting
and i fell asleep
but then he started banging on the wall and woke me up
i felt horrible
dont tell anyone
sssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Audra
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October 27th, 2008
09:25 pm
i've had an appifany
im an emotional ticking-bomb
able to blow up in ur face in a split second
any wrong move an i could laugh for no reason, cry for the smallest thing and kill u for looking at me too long.
my family thinks i have a problem. but i dont.
they think its wrong that i like knives and that i play with them at the dinner table.
they feel sorry for anyone who tries to rob us. cuz if they did i would go after them wit my many sharp knives.
my brother likes to call me audra meyers.
they think im the next serial killer.
my sister thinks there is something mentally wrong wit me.
she always ask my mother am i okay
they're worried about me...
but they really should me worried about themselves.
if i go crazy it will be them i go after.. no one else.
people think i change my moods way too fast.
that i cant stay one waay though an entire hour.
my dad says i have skitsafrenia jus because i talk to myself and answer back.
im not crazy. jus lonely.
i have to entertain myself considering that im the youngest and the closest one to my age is six years older.
when i was young i learned to cope with being by myself.
thats why i get a little... i guess u could say friggedy when im with one person too long or im a big crowd. but no one knows that.
because i've also learned how to hide my feelings.. from everyone.
telling someone how i feel doesnt sound right to me.
i dont like to seem vaulnerable. or what makes me happy or sad or mad. because then someone could have power over me.
i would rather kill myself than let someone have control over me.
thats prolly why me and my... everybody havbe problems
everyone wants to control me.
but i us cant take that
i always say that if i got married it would have to be someone that would control me
cuz if they couldnt i would walk all over then and treat them like dirt like my mom does to my dad
but i know thats not really wat i want
i want someone to be able to fight back against me.
not control me but not put up wit my crap
put me in my place but never tell me what to do.
i guess u could say im a little fucked up in the head but thats ur opinion.
i am true to who i am. i am real and never fake.
you may say i am fake but then you really dont know me that well then
~audra
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04:16 pm
lord
christina is a pregnant cowwwwwwww
lol
shes a pregnant greek goddess for halloween
that girl is getting on my nerves
she eats all my food
complains all the time
and never sits still
shes driving me insaneeeeeeee
i cant wait till she pops!!!
~audra
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October 26th, 2008
02:21 pm
wow...
yesterday was jus wow
so yesterday me, mat, alex, christina, danielle, jennifer, and my dad were having this big screaming fest over sean. jennifer says im too young that hes too old. he only wants one thing. i cant trust him. he could be some 28 year old that is jus saying hes 17. all this stuff and i was like your a hypocrite. she meet danny on the computer. in a chat room and she married the guy. he used to stock her. sean isnt like that. they dont knw him. alex said hes guna go to everglades to lok for him danielle said shes guna ask her sister if she knows him cuz she still goes there. jennifer said shes guna look up his criminal record but thats kinda pointless since he doesnt have one. blah. chrisatina said i should be happy they care. whatever. and my dad was like im too young but he doesnt care what i doi as long as i dont get pregnant. but this was what i wanted. for them to know i talk to boys. that im not a little girl anymore. so alls well that ends well. its a good thing they dont know about brandon. i couldnt lie about how mush im in love wit him. j/k j/k. lol neverrrrrrrrrrr
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October 5th, 2008
08:08 pm - I cant wait till i move out!!!
my parents are totally ridic.
like they think they can control me for the rest of my life
they never do anything i want
they think there protecting me from the world
but wat their really doing is being way over protective and making my life a living hell.
they want to sheild me from the real world
but all their doing is jus blinding me from wat is real and wheni do go into the real world im going to go crazy cuz i never experienced this shit before
like they wont let me go to football games cuz our school is a really bad school and they think im guna get into a fight or some shit
like wat the fuck is up wit that? who said anyone is guna want to fight me
and tomorrow is like not really a school day. everyone has a room they are assigned to that they stay in all day and im not in any room wit my friends so we were not guna come at all.
but my mom is like no we dont do stuff like that.
what kind of shit is that?
i mean like i do wat ever they want and they treat me like this
there is this program at my school where u take like senoir classes in 9th grade and for the rest of the years u take college classes. so she makes me be in that program even though i dont want to but i do it anyways cuz she wants me to.
and those classes a C is like super super great. like better than a regular A and i have As an Bs in all my classes.
u know when i bring home a B shes like u have to do better than this audra.
wtf?
i have never been good enough for her.
i a the youngest out of all my bothers and sisters.
they did do that well in life
like they didnt get great grades or good jobs
so my mom has it in her head that i am guna be the child that makes her proud.
are u forreal?
u know how much presure i have ?
like i dont want to do wat they want me to do
they want me to be a doctor or engineer
i dont want to be that. i want to own my own bakery.
but no i cant do wat makes me happy
i have to do wat will make me enough money so i can take care of my parents when they get old.
well i have news for them
since they are not paying for my college i am going to do want I want.
and i am not going to be taking care of them. they can ask one of there other children who they like better than me
thats another thing
my parents like my other siblingsway better than they like me
its out of control!!!!
i swear my mother hates me!!!
like she talks to me like she does
she will say anything mean to me that she can i dont understand why
the day i graduate i am leaving this house forever
i am moving far away and never coming back.
they are jus pushing me away.
when i move out im not going to dinner with them anymore and im not spending thanksgiving or christmas or easter or any other holiday.
the only time i will see them is if my dads family is guna be there.
cuz there the only ones that i know love me.
sometimes i wish my parents would get a divorce.
my mom is totally more controlling and protective than my dad is
like my mom doesnt understand me
and i know my dad loves me
but i know im just complaining to much so i should jus shut up
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